i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
