i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
