Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
