So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize