she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
