You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
