The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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