I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
