Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
