I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
