Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They are going to name an STD after you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
