Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
