So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
