look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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