Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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