so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
