i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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