Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
