eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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