Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
