just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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