Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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