the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
