I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
