I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I died a long time ago.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
