I will die if light touches me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
