Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
