So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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