I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
