oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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