By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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