I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize