Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
