It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize