hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
