She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
