Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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