Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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