Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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