I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize