im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
