roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
where are my eyebrows?
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