if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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