So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a search helicopter?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize