You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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