No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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