Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
