your room smells of hookers.
And success
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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