why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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