I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
