watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
