I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
