i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
