Don't make out with my wife yet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
