you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
