After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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