I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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