Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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