it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
