I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
