you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
