Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
