Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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