she looked like the before picture.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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